Put A Fork In Me, I’m Done

Two of my coworkers will occasionally invite me out to lunch, but only when they’re going somewhere weird and they know I’ll say no, like to a Vietnamese place or a restaurant whose specialty is lamb kabobs…so I almost always decline.

Today they asked me if I wanted to go to Firehouse Subs.  I said sure.  They immediately backtracked, saying, “you really don’t have to” and “no pressure, really, it’s cool”.

AND THEN THEY LEFT WITHOUT ME.

WTF.  I said yes.

Instead I went to Panera by myself and got some broccoli cheddar soup and a tuna salad sandwich, which are pretty much my Depressed Lunch, so if you ever see me eating it, you might want to ask me how my day is going.  Because it’s probably in the shitter.

AND THEN.  Just now, someone told me that our team’s happy hour tonight is cancelled.  Which is totally fine and doesn’t impact my Friday night plans at all, since they never invited me in the first place.

I give up.

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Things I Did Not Miss About Work

I don’t know if anybody ever looks forward to getting back to work after an extended holiday break, but there are some pros that go along with the multitude of cons.  A regular eating schedule that allows me to consistently eat greek yogurt and Amy’s Organics meals daily vs. the 8 lbs. of candy that we were gifted by my mother-in-law.  The necessity to shower first thing in the morning.  The excitement on my dogs face when I return from a 9 hour workday vs. the “why are you still here?” looks he gives me when I’m at home all day.

You know what I didn’t miss though?  ALL OF THE INSUFFERABLE NOISES.

The kid that sits in front of me eats porridge every single clucking morning, which wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t scrape the spoon against the container for the entire duration of his meal (yes, porridge – he also says “schedule” the British way, even though he’s not British).

Another coworker of mine types with the fury of 1,000 suns.  She probably sits 30 feet away bird’s-eye-view.  But I can hear every GD keystroke as if she’s tapping away on my face.

I am currently listening to someone on the other side of the cube wall eat what has got to be a bottomless bag of chips with his mouth open.  CRUNCHCRUNCHCRUNCHCRUNCHCRUNCHI’MGOINGTOKILLSOMEONE.

Per the winter season, there are sick people everywhere.  EVERYWHERE.  The guy in front of me does the dramatic phlegm-clearing of his throat every 5 minutes.  The sound of it is making me want to vom.

And as an extra annoying finale, there is a tin of cookies on top of a nearby filing cabinet, but I am the only person who is within eyeshot of said tin of cookies.  If one more person asks me, “who brought these in?/can we eat these?/are these cookies any good?” I SWEAR TO GOD I’m going to throw them away.  I am not the keeper of the cookies!  Do not ask me any questions regarding the cookies!

Thank you for listening.

Go Away, Aaron Neville

I have a general rule of thumb when it comes to massive amounts of data, processing massive amounts of data, and massive amounts of cursing when my laptop freezes and I have to reboot, thus losing my massive amounts of data.

Fill my ears with music and try my best not to freak the cluck out.

There is nothing worse than deciding that you are probably fine without need to listen to music, and then realizing that your left your headphones at home, or that the last remaining earbud has short-circuited, or that IT has wizened up and blocked Pandora.

But not today, my friends!  Today I break the communist unspoken rule that Christmas music should only be enjoyed after Thanksgiving, and I will listen to it as I fight with Excel for the rest of the afternoon.  I.  Love.  Christmas.  Music.  And I know it’s taboo to blast it from the mountaintops before it’s socially appropriate, but it’s okay if I listen to it in the privacy of my cubicle on my one working earbud, right?  I thought so.

I won’t subject innocent bystanders to the tunes until Thanksgiving has come and gone and Christmas season is officially upon us.  Except for you, hubs.  Because your truck has XM and my car does not, and there are too many good holiday stations on XM radio NOT to listen to it as soon as it’s available.  Are you regretting not installing that XM unit that you bought for me 2 years ago?  ARE YOU?!?

Christmas music makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  It reminds me of my childhood, and of a time where the weight of the world (money, age, football season…) didn’t rest upon my shoulders.  It makes me happy.

UNLESS it’s an Aaron Neville Christmas song.  I can’t stand his voice.  The worst part about my hatred of Aaron Neville?  Somehow, one of his songs ended up on my iPod classic that has a shattered screen and only works when it’s plugged into my 5-year-old iHome, and occasionally, when I’m in a hurry and push “play” without making sure I’m in a playlist first, I hear the opening notes to his version of “The Christmas Song” because “Aaron” comes first in the alphabet.  Then I frantically change it to ANYTHING THAT WILL PLAY INSTEAD EVEN A MILEY CYRUS SONG SO HELP ME GOD.

Frank Sinatra, take me home.

Digging Out

Apologies for the radio silence over the past week.  I’m sure both of you (zing!) were wondering, why haven’t I seen a new post from Anne in a few days?

Truth be told, the last week has been nuts.

Work was busy like I’ve never experienced before, thanks to a little bit of this (we got Bobbed, a la Office Space):

And then in an epic battle of the Techs, Georgia Tech took a big hit in a loss against Virginia Tech on Thursday night, which I witnessed firsthand, in the cold, where even ski socks and parkas couldn’t keep me warm.  Stupid turkeys.

On Saturday, I had the honor of being one of my best friend’s bridesmaids in her wedding.  Hubs was a groomsman too, and we had a blast celebrating.  I don’t have pictures yet, but this is the dress that the bride wore, and it was a-MAHZ-ing.  But in white, because she’s not weird like Gwen Stefani.

To top things off, I moved into a new cube at work today.  And by new cube, I mean they relocated our whole team into an annex building, so now we feel like outcasts and we’re having a hard time finding our way around.  Also, someone in IT who is “testing the wireless signal” is actually watching American Psycho in one of our conference rooms.  I’m not even going to try to google image that movie.  This is how I choose to remember Christian Bale:

Laurie, forever.