For the past 2 years, I have been eyeing the pendant lights above our kitchen sink, lusting after the idea of taking them down and replacing them with something sleek, industrial, and that doesn’t remind me of the secret vine in Super Mario Brothers.
You know what I’m talking about.
I bought some cheap but stylish pendants from Home Depot a few weeks ago, and they arrived, and the finish was hideous, but nothing a little oil rubbed bronze spray paint couldn’t fix. One of the pendants was missing an important piece, so I actually had to order a third one, but that’s okay, worse things have happened.
So tonight, as hubs sat on the couch working away because his company was not satisfied with the 12 hours he had already put in today, I decided to replace the light fixtures.
I’m not dumb, I’ve done it before. Seems simple enough.
I took down one vine light. There were two but I got excited and took one down before I remember to take a picture.
It took about 20 seconds to take down both lights, so I was all, pfffft this is so easy I’ll be done in 20 minutes.
Except the previous owner of our house was the MacGruber of home improvement. There is paint INSIDE the junction box. THERE IS PAINT EVERYWHERE IN OUR HOUSE. No hinge, knob or light fixture was left unblemished when the previous owner painted the house before putting it on the market. Also, his name is Dick. So it’s super fun to yell “Dammit, Dick!” whenever we find an issue.
I mean our house was built in 1977 and wasn’t wired for cable until we moved in in 2010.
I realized I would have to replace the existing hanging hardware, which was super fun to do with 35 year old screws that had been painted over (they’re probably newer than that, I’m just being dramatic). This is when the sweating started, because I spent a lot of time directly underneath a recessed light.
Then I had to strip some wires. Cue the preemptive feelings of badassness.
Then I summoned hubs and he was the brawn while I was the tiny-fingered wire assembler. All was going swell.
But wait, there’s more! Look closer…
OH YES, the screws that came with the pendant are about 1/8″ too long. Because OF COURSE. Why would I think that a $15 light fixture, which I had to return one of in the first place, would come with the perfect parts? Maybe because I live in the South and that would be the polite thing to do?
Why is it that every project I think will be a quick wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am of DIY splendor turns into a multiple day crapfest? Is it just me or does everybody else have the same shitty luck? Is Dick haunting us? (He’s not dead, but according to our neighbors he does drive by our house “all the time”, so…eew)
On a more whimsical note, I used this super cute elephant bowl to hold my spare nuts and bolts while I worked. He looked on smugly as I sweated under the glistening recessed CFLs.
And Buster watched skeptically from the couch in the living room. Some support system I have.
To be continued…