Last night, I decided to take a little smidge of “me” time (because hubs has a cold and passed out on the couch while watching “How It’s Made: Dr. Pepper” at 8:30), and decided to do some yoga in our basement. The only yoga video I own is this one, and while it doesn’t make me break a sweat, it does provide some good stretches, and the narrator’s voice is so, so soothing. I have a thing for soothing voices. Anytime I get a voicemail from someone at work with that buttery, sing-songy tone in their voice, I save it, so that I can go back and listen to something pleasant in case I need to pick up the phone and look busy at a moment’s notice.
That being said, there are some things about yoga that I just don’t get.
Downward facing dog is one of the most basic poses in yoga, and while it is common and looks simple, it hurts my wrists, people! I thought yoga was supposed to help my body, not grind my joints together. I’ve expressed this problem in a yoga class before, and the instructor told me to “take my weight off of my hands” while in this position. Um…
The instructor in the video I did last night reminds you multiple times to “soften the belly”. Is she assuming that I’m constantly flexing my rock-hard abs? Because I can assure you, my belly is already softened.
One of the more impressive (looking) yoga poses I can pull off is the shoulderstand. It requires no real skill but it looks fancy. And it hurts my neck real bad. When coming out of this pose, you’re instructed to lower yourself back to the ground “vertebrae by vertebrae”. As if I have that much control over my body as it comes careening down from the sky.
Also, last night was the first time I’ve been told to get into “happy baby pose”, which, I’m sorry, but I thought this was yoga and not a lamaze class. I have never felt more awkward, and more glad to not be in a room full of people who also looked like they were all giving birth at the same time.
I think my favorite pose of all would have to be the last one: final relaxation pose.
I like yoga, for the sake of getting a little bit of stretching and relaxation in, but overall, I prefer a workout that’s going to make me sweat and help me burn off that Little Debbie Christmas tree cake I shamefully ate after dinner. I’ve taken yoga classes before that kicked my ass, but at home, I am okay with a little non-taxing yoga intermission every once in a while. It makes me feel rich, snobby and cool, if only for a moment.