Disclaimer: I know I have hearing issues. The sound of people typing, the sound of people chewing, the sound of people breathing…I know it’s my fault that these things bother me. But that doesn’t mean that you should eat crunchy foods on an airplane full of people with reckless abandon. Below, an actual text message conversation between myself and my sister before my plane took off for Miami a few weeks ago.
Me: The woman sitting next to me on my flight is eating celery, carrots, AND crackers. FML.
Me: OMG she just pulled a whole apple out of her bag!
Me: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?
Sis: Get a drink!
Sis: That is horrible.
Me: I happen to have a drink ticket.
Sis: At least it’s not in crinkly bags?
Me: She is now fanning herself with an actual Japanese style fan.
Sis: Just get the little bottles of liquor – don’t bother with the beer or wine.
Sis: Your life is hilarious.
Sis: Thank you for this. You’re really making me laugh.
Me: Time to shut down and take off, have a good afternoon!
Me: SHE JUST PUT ON A CAPE
Me: IT’S TOUCHING ME
Me: Love you.