Middle Child Birthday: A Memoir

I woke up this morning feeling hungover, which is strange, because I really didn’t drink enough last night to merit feeling like crap when I woke up.  I figured that it was probably a sugar hangover.  Here’s what I ate on my birthday:

Yeah, that explains it.  I think October will be the month of fresh fruit binging.  Starting…tomorrow.

So last night, hubs and I met my family at a local frozen yogurt and cupcake shop to celebrate our birthdays (he was born 4 days before me, thus the combined celebration).  We got some really awesome and thoughtful gifts from everyone, and it was so great to spend some time with my mom and siblings during a hectic work week.  One gift in particular stuck out to me though, and it is too funny not to share it with you:

My younger sister (by 2 years and 355 days) got me Jodie Sweetin’s autobiography, unSweetined.  You may remember Jodie from her (only) role on Full House as Stephanie Tanner, the middle of the three Tanner sisters.  And the one who grew up and had a whole bunch of issues.  Like, batshit crazy stuff happened to this chick, such as meth, and…well I think that’s pretty much it.  Girl, if the Olsen Twins can make it, then you have no excuses!  Still though, I can’t wait to read about all the gory details, now that I’m finally done with the last Dragon Tattoo book.  Even though I’m pretty sure my sister gave it to me as a joke.

Get Away From Me, Cat With Two Faces!

One time, when I was in high school, someone at our church brought a litter of kittens to the youth building.  I was holding what I thought was a sweet, innocent little kitty, petting it and whispering sweet nothings into its little kitty ear, telling it things like you don’t look like you would bite me, I bet you like to snuggle, so what if my dad is deathly allergic, maybe I can sneak you into my house and we can be best buddies.

When I was done smothering snuggling said kitten, I peeled it and it’s tiny claws away from my shirt to hand it off to someone else, but the kitten was not ready to let go and it STUCK ITS CLAW INTO MY NECK.

Granted, there was no blood, but that kitten had its claw stuck in the skin on my neck for a solid 30 seconds before someone graciously pulled the damn thing out of me.  Thus, I am scarred for life.  Which is why this is pretty much my worst nightmare.